Poop on the Wall....A Ministry Horror Story (Our 100th Post!)

Disclaimer: This post contains some disgusting content, so feel free to stop reading now if you are easily grossed out or offended.

As a pastor, I have the opportunity to serve the church in a multitude of ways that go beyond being a spiritual leader. Today, I had to do something that noone should have to do. Even though it is in very poor taste to post this type of stuff on our blog, I decided that I would share the story of my morning today.

This morning started out as any other day. I was in my office responding to emails and preparing my "To Do" list for the day when I heard someone come into the church. Our secretary greeted the visitor.

Since my office door was opened, I could hear what they were talking about. The man asked for the janitor. Veronica, our secretary, told him that the janitor was not in. The older man gave her an envelope and asked that she give it to the janitor. He then went on to tell her that he had been a part of a community single's group that uses our building on Tuesday nights, and that he had a bad case of diarrhea last night. Finally, he apologized for the mess he had made in the bathroom.

At this point, I was feeling really embarassed for him, and simultaneously thanking God that I had not gone out of my office to greet him. I am not sure I could have kept a straight face through the conversation.

After he left, I decided to check out the bathroom. This was my first mistake! We should have just called the janitor!! When I opened the door, it was like a wall of stink hit me in the face. At first glance, the bathroom did not look that bad. He had apparently tried to clean up with some paper towels, and it appeared that the garbage can that held those paper towels was the culprit for the stench.

I emptied the garbage and grabbed the Clorox disinfecting wipes and wiped the toilet, faucet handles, and door handles down. As I was leaving the bathroom, I looked back and noticed brown chunks on the wall outside of the stall. These chunks were located about 5 feet up the wall, and they were not pieces of chocolate!

To make a long story short, I dry-heaved my way through cleaning up the walls and then sprayed every surface in that bathroom down with Lysol disinfectant!

Isn't God good at keeping us humble? There was a silver lining though. After cleaning the bathroom, we opened the envelope that the man brought and found that it had $20 in it. Of course, I kept it!!!

That was probably the most disgusting thing I have ever had to do, and I have cleaned a few public bathrooms in my day.

I still have one burning question.....HOW DID HE GET POOP THAT HIGH UP ON THE WALL??? (Maybe some of you IBS sufferers can shed some light on the subject!)

Ally's New "Do"

Here are a few pictures of Allyson's new haircut. It's not a drastic change, but you can definitely notice it is shorter. Have a great weekend!

Your Breath Stinks!

When we had finished eating lunch today, Allyson got into Kristen's purse and pulled out a pack of gum. This was kind of strange because Allyson does not like spearmint or peppermint flavors and we have never allowed her to chew gum.

It turns out that Allyson was not getting the gum out for herself. She turned to Kristen and said, "Take a piece mom, your breath stinks!"

4-year-olds are quite the funny characters!

Aaaahhh, Sleep.

I have a grand announcement to make! For the last two weeks or so, Natalie has been sleeping through the night without nursing. However, this did not mean that she wasn't waking me up! Some nights I would retrieve the binky 10 times to help her get back to sleep. (Seriously, 10 times, I'm not exaggerating.) Not every night was that bad...some nights I'd only stumble out to her 3 or 4 times.

But last night, ladies and gentlemen, she slept from 11:30 PM until 6:40 AM with no "binky retrieval missions," no fussing, no stirring. I am so refreshed today!

I know many of you are saying, "What's the big deal?" But believe me, uninterrupted sleep is a huge victory in the life of two overstressed, overworked, and overwhelmed parents!

Now, if only we knew what adventures tonight holds!

The Neighborhood Spectacle

Last night was one of the rare occassions that our entire family was home and the weather was nice enough to be outside. We decided to go for a walk after dinner. Allyson wanted to ride her bike, which always makes walks a little less enjoyable, as one of us has to practically run to keep up with her.

We have taken a few walks with our little "bike rider" this spring, and we thought that maybe Allyson was ready to handle a longer walk last night.

From the start, Natalie was not into this idea and was screaming, but we decided to keep going. Finally, Natalie stopped crying and Allyson was following our directions to ride slow enough that we could keep up with her.

It was actually pleasant until we got to a point where there is a little hill. Allyson had been practicing stopping along the way, and we had prepared her for how she needed to use her break to slow her down as she went down the hill.

To make a long story short, Allyson fell off of her bike going down the hill. Don't worry, Dad was right there to catch her.... She skinned her knee (slightly....), but you would have thought that she had broken a leg by the way she was screaming. We had an old man come out of his house and ask if we need medical help!!

Allyson got in the stroller and was screaming so badly that she got Natalie worked up. So, everyone on the East Side of Janesville heard our daughters screaming in unison as we made our way home.

Thankfully, noone called Child Protective Services!!! :)

Maybe we will just all walk tonight!

Dave's Birthday Wish

I just learned that there is a company that has started producing Contrabass Saxophones. It looks like they cost around $25,000 - $30,000. Anyone interested in pitching in to make my birthday wish come true?!!!

Here is a short clip of what the Contrabass Sax sounds like.

Johnny Jump-Up....Natalie Likes It!

This weekend, we decided to pull out the Johnny Jumper to see how Natalie did in it. She does not like laying down and wants to constantly be upright, so we thought that this might be just the thing for her. She loved it from the first time that we put her in.

Here are some photos to prove it!!

Karate Kid...80's Flashback

Tonight, we had an exciting outing to Taco John's and then to Target. Allyson had received a gift card for her birthday and was itching to spend it. While the girls were looking at toys, I wandered into the DVD section and saw a rack of $4.75 videos. "The Karate Kid: Special Edition" version was included in the sale. Now normally I can easily resist these type of impulse buys, but when I saw that the DVD included a bandanna just like Daniel Larusso wore in the movie, I was ready to part with a $5 bill.

I am excited to escape into the 80's as I watch this movie....by myself!! Kristen isn't interested. Anyone that shares my love of cheesy 80's movies and wants to take a trip down memory lane can give me a call and we can watch it together! :)

To me, there is nothing better than a good 80's flick. What are your favorites? Some of mine: Goonies, Karate Kid, Rambo, Rambo II, Princess Bride, Adventures in Babysitting....

Have a great weekend.

As I See It....Colic Baby

Natalie had a particularly rough weekend. There was a ton of crying and screaming in our house. Kristen and I are extremely ready for this season to be over. However, Allyson, as usual was able to put an interesting spin on it.

When I got home from church on Sunday night, I went up to Ally's room to say goodnight to her. While we were talking, she told me that Natalie cried a lot while I was gone. I asked her, "Do you like it when she cries?" Ally's response was, "No, I think we need to get a new baby....one that hiccups a lot."

Well, we are not going to trade Natalie in (Kristen won't let me....:), maybe hiccups would be a nice change of pace.

Thankfully, Natalie seems to be over whatever was bothering her this weekend.

We are the Parents of a 4-Year-Old

As of yesterday, Kristen and I are the parents of a 4-year-old! We both are feeling kind of old, and a little sad that our "baby girl" is becoming more of a "big kid" with each passing day.

Allyson had what seemed more like a birthseason than a birthday. We started celebrating with Grandma and Grandpa Vargason on Saturday. They bought Allyson her first bike (with training wheels, of course). I am sure that there will be other posts with stories of Allyson's Learning-To-Ride-A-Bike Adventures.

We also had a nice birthday dinner and a cake with Grandma and Grandpa this weekend.

Yesterday, Allyson brought special birthday treats to school and then we took her to lunch at her favorite place, Noodles & Co. Kristen then took her to Chuck E. Cheese. Ally chose what we had for dinner last night (Corn Dogs, Nachos, and Canned Pears). We then surprised her with a Bunny Cake from Baskin Robbins. Add in opening a lot of presents and you can see that Allyson was a blessed little girl on her fourth birthday.

We know that there are still a few more gifts that are coming in the mail, so the "birthseason" will continue for a few more days!

For Fun...The Manualist

Try and watch this video without cracking a smile! A friend of mine introduced me to these videos on Youtube, and I felt that they HAD to be shared....

Enjoy.

Bohemian Rhapsody

Playing a Larry Carlton Tune!

All of you who are bored, this would be a great hobby to get into. He has a tutorial video on Youtube to get you started!!

Mom's New Hobby

We're always looking for little ways to save money on various things. After reading a Newsweek article, David directed me to a blog written by a mommy: "Be Thrifty Like Us." One of her big things is CVS-ing. Maybe I've been in a bubble, but apparently working the CVS system is a big-time thrifty mommy hobby. (You can read all about it at http://bethriftylikeus.blogspot.com/) So anyway, I got out the CVS ad on Sunday afternoon and laid out my plan...

After accumulating and printing manufacturers' coupons, I headed to the store on Monday morning. I spent about $21.00 for 6 cleaning products, 2 deodorants, 2 tubes of toothpaste, and 2 bottles of body wash. AND...can you hear the drum roll? I got $17.98 in "Extra Care Bucks" which are essentially gift cards to be used on a later purchase from CVS! So it's like I spent $3.02 on all of that! I'd say that's pretty good for a first-timer!

Using the "Be Thrifty..." mommy's tips, I made it to Target today and got a week's worth of Huggies diapers and a box of Huggies wipes for $7.13! For those of you that aren't avid baby shoppers...that's a pretty good deal!

So there you have it...my new hobby is bargain-hunting. I think David is kind of proud for getting me to read more blogs. He really hopes I get inspired to start my own money-making blog. Hmmm. I have a long way to go!